Strictly Week 4 Round Up

God, I love this show!!! I watched this week’s show with Old Vumman (Mammy Keyes) who is A) not a fan B) had plenty of opinions. Pete Wicks’s hair was a heartbreaking TRAVESTY!!!

Himself was away this weekend, in Kerry, walking 62 kilometres in one day with ‘others of his kind’ but he’s as big a fan of Strictly as I am, so we watched it on Sunday night, so I’ve seen it twice. I will also include some of his comments, as well as my mother’s.

Here we go!

Claudia!!! Looked so beautiful!!! The red lip worked so well with her gorgeous hair and dress. Tess was stunning! I loved her lilac jumpsuit with the attached skirt, something I could never wear but admire so much on her.

Also MOTSI!!!!!!! Her look is always so exciting!!!!! Tonight, her hair and nails – did you notice they were gold on the outside and red on the inside??????????? – and golden cuff were thrilling. I so appreciate how she (and her stylist) commit.

Right, the dances. This week I will try to do them in order but I might not succeed.

Shayne and Nancy. Very yellow, perhaps too yellow but I believed him. Was it a cha-cha-cha? It could have been. He’s a very good dancer but he’s not my favourite, I don’t know why, he is completely inoffensive, I should like him more. I will try. Also, I LOVE NANCY!!!

Sarah and Vito. Viennese waltz?* Yes, gorgeous, lovely. Ontra noo, I find the Viennese waltz sort of… pointless. But this was gorgeous. Mammy Keyes’s comment? “Did he make dim trousers out of an oul’ couch?” To be fair, the woman had a point.

I am extremely HERE for Sarah partly because she’s really good, partly because she’s dancing with Vito and partly because she’s 53 and is an excellent poster-woman for what 53 can be!  

(*News! I’ve just discovered it was a foxtrot!!!!! To be honest, I’m not that bothered about what dance any of them ever do. I like the Jive. And the Charleston. I think that’s mostly it. Mostly I don’t care what they’re dancing, I’m just there for the vibe.)

Dr Punam and Gorka. A jive. Excellent outfits! Pink lame. I adored her pink wig and little runners. I find her super-cute, I thought she looked really happy and that made me happy. It was clear, even to me, that the dancing wasn’t great but I didn’t care, I loved it.

Nick and Luba. My thoughts on Nick: when I look at Nick, he reminds me of my pal Malcolm, who is so much fun. When Nick speaks, he doesn’t remind me of Malcolm. Nick is… would I call it earnest? I don’t really know. Anyway, he’s gone and I hope he enjoyed his time and that his knee heals quickly.

Old Vumman watched the Paddington dance with furrowed brow, which became vocal incredulity when Nick began eating his marmalade sandwich. But we move.

Jamie and Michelle. Old Vumman loved them, I loved them, Old Vumman’s foot was tapping away good-oh under the coffee table, the dopamine lights on my circuit board were BLAZING. However, someone on twitter said the dance gave them ‘Inbetweeners in Ibiza’ vibe and to be quite honest on watching it a second time with Himself, I didn’t get the same dopamine rush as I did the first time. Make of this what you will!

Also, Himself noticed that when Shayne was reading out the Social media contacts from the auto prompt, Jamie was also reading it, mouthing it like, right down to the ‘Over to you, Tess,’ and I must admit, he seemed a little bit sniggery about the whole business and I frowned. Because while I’m entirely up for ‘high-jinks’, I am put out when I feel a contestant is not taking this seriously.

But it could just have been ‘high-jinks.’

Paul Merson! In the first couple of weeks, I really was concerned that he didn’t seem to care much about the show. However!!!! I will relay Himself’s comments. “Christ, he looks really scared. I think he’s started to take this seriously.” Then, at the end of the dance Himself said, “If he goes on to win this thing, it’ll be the J-word to end all J-words.”

I said, “I loved it.” Himself said, “Gapping you could drive a bus through.”

Wynne and Katya. Mammy Keyes was most taken with Wynne’s braces and Wynne in general. I loved the part where he straightened his tie. Himself loved Wynne’s ‘tango face.’

Sam and Nikita. Okay, I have thoughts. I think Sam is wonderful: hard-working, committed, talented, charming, turning in a great performance, taking this seriously. But every week so far the judges response to her has baffled me. They’re always a bit, ‘Not bad, not bad, keep at it.’

When the 4 judges all gave her 7s, I stood up and yelled at the telly, “She deserves more than sevens, you savages!” And my mother told me to sit down and behave.

Which brings me to conspiracy theories! I’ve noticed that many of us fans of Strictly have occasionally strayed into unfounded suppositions and theories (perhaps this is just me?) But here’s my conspiracy theory about Sam and Nikita, for what it’s worth.

“…. mumble, mumble… Nikita is loved. It would be nice if Nikita won. Put him with a very able partner. Don’t go too wild on the marks the first few weeks. Then start building her up. Force a journey on Sam. Get her to the final. Let’s see what happens. More side-mouth mumbling….”

(Please, before any bad-faith merchants reproduce this, under the heading, “Chick-lit scribbler accuses Strictly judges of bias,” it’s only a joke. It’s an awful shame that this needs to be said.)

JB and Amy. Rumba? Yes! I remember Amy saying it was her first live rumba on Strictly. It was so good considering that rumbas are extra difficult for men. However may I say how much I love JB’s wife Chloe! More Chloe! Indeed it’s a shame that the 3 of them didn’t dance as a throuple.  

Chris and Dianne. I hardly know what to say, except I get teary with joy, hope, admiration and awe. He was incredible. His timing is impeccable. His commitment to something that must be so challenging and at times (the lifts for example) frightening makes me believe that inside every human being is not only the capacity for courage but the ability to refuse to be contained by circumstances. I’m so grateful to him for doing the show and to Dianne for teaching him so well.

In that spirit, I admired Anton for critiquing the dance as he did. I don’t know Chris but in true para-social fashion, I’m guessing that Chris would not like to be patronised.

Montell and Johannes. Viennese waltz? Yes, I think it actually was! They are Himself’s favourites. She’s a gorgeous dancer and I was so delighted with their high scores. But my best bit was Johannes going full whistle-blower and speaking truth to power on that weird business where Anton and Shirley stand up and demonstrate getting into hold and what angle to hold your head at in a foxtrot or whatever. Perhaps this will see it off!

(Also no sign of the creepy dead child’s shoes this week. However, I sort of like when Shirley produces them. It’s like when my granny used to fetch a holy relic (a splinter of bone from a long-dead saint) out of a box in the back bedroom and scare the bejaysus out of us in a borderline thrilling way.)    

Pete Wicks! When I was watching with Mammy Keyes and the show was over half-way through, I realised I was a little bit impatient. I was enjoying the other dances, I really was, but I was wondering when they’d be getting to Pete. It appears that my obsession is still alive and well and now in its fifth week.

As we got nearer to the end of the show, I thought, OH MY GOD, MAYBE HE’S GOING TO BE LAST WHICH MEANS HIS DANCE WILL BE BRILLIANT!! Then I realised that Tasha and Aljaz hadn’t danced either and that of course they’d close the show because we already know she’s amazing and ontra noo, the lights on my dopamine motherboard dimmed a little.

Anyway, on he comes!!! And sacred heart above, what have they done with his glorious hair?????? His lovely sexy, long, sexy, tangled, sexy, sexy, sexy hair???? Imprisoned it in a – what at the time I thought was a French pleat but as a fellow Pete lover called Jo clarified - a LITERAL CHIGNON. This is a crime! 

Nevertheless. Never-the-fecken-LESS, what a dance. Mammy Keyes seemed a little alarmed by Pete’s tattoos, then she asked what ‘he did’ and I simply couldn’t get into it. Anyway, the dance. All I can say was that on Sunday night, before Himself had seen it, I said, “It was…. It was….” I had to think long and hard, “You know what? It was INDECENT!!!”

My dopamine mother-board nearly blew all its fuses. I agree with Craig that those hip-rolls had no place in a quick-step but I also agree with Motsi that I was very grateful for them.

Tasha and Aljaz. There was some belly-aching on twitter that she’s a trained dancer but for the love of god, she’s hearing-impaired!! She’s amazing! It was a gorgeous dance, she’s so, so good and also adorable.

PS Sunday night. It was a right shocker that Shayne was in the dance-off!